Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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