you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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