I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Soap is not a condiment
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
