he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
