I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
