Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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