There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
