Don't make out with my wife yet
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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