It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
