dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
