I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
