I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Fuck appropriateness.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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