The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize