My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
