"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
