sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
