so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
