I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
