Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize