So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
