wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
