he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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