I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
