I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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