He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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