the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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