I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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