You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize