I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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