A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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