If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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