i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
