And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
