That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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