So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i've created a new STD.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize