if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
