i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
