I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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