East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
