Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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