My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
