I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
