Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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