oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize