She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
