My first STD was from a foam party
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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