i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
