No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
