i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
