The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
