The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
