Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
