Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
