You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
