I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
