I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
