you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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