he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
