You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
