please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
