it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
