fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
