I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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