Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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