I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
