btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can Purell be used as lube?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize