if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
