Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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